Devi Prayer -- Hymn to the Divine Mother


Thursday, July 28, 2011

PTSD and Me

Ugly, unwanted, and intrusive...

Why do I torture myself with such thinking?
Better yet -- why does my mind torture me?
Fear-based thinking
Irrational and illogical
Images like movie trailers flash through my mind
Vivid and real
I don’t want to look but I can help but see
Even and especially
In the dark with my eyes closed
My heart pounds while emotions knot
And sit in the bottom of my stomach
I dread this feeling when it comes on
It’s tiring, terrifying, and destructive
I wish it all
For good
To be gone

Sunday, July 3, 2011

Night Shift

The night is a gateway
To my mind
To my soul
I talk to myself
I think too much
I vibrate
And everything seems off
My skin is crawling
The air is dark
And thick
Made of memories
Which come alive
Beyond the gateway

Mourning imagination

When my world was small
Yet imagination infinite
My thoughts knew no boundaries
My mind, no rationale
I thought I saw demons in darkness
The shadows, evil spirits
Hovering over my head
Evil, angry spirits
That watched and waited
They slithered and squirmed
Countless, sleepless nights
I’d lay awake, wide-eyed
Heart pounding
Toes curled
Clenched blankets
Clenched teeth
Ears wringing
With demons screaming
Suffocating in religious teaching
Paralyzed in fear
And although those nights
Were long and tormenting
I can’t help but wonder
What happens to imagination?
And where did all the demons go?

What I’ve learned...

You don’t wear a label on your head and you don’t need to explain yourself to anyone.
You can be afraid to try something new but have the courage to do it anyways.
Life is not a counseling session, be cautious what you say.
Be careful to whom you expose yourself.
You are just as capable as anyone else.
Don’t let other’s fool you… no one has it all together.
Walk tall but remember that you don’t know it all.
Don’t be too proud to accept criticism.
Don’t let pride keep you from humbling yourself when need be.
Allow yourself to make mistakes.
Allow yourself to pull the blankets over your head, but always get up the next morning.
Don’t gossip or participate in gossip, the confidence of that silence will get you further.
Today is not yesterday but it is your tomorrow.
Find balance, know when to say no, and don’t be afraid to let something go.
Be excited for uncertainty, walk through open doors, embrace the unknown with anticipation…its quite exhilarating!
Speak your mind and know when to be quiet.
No one is better than you.
Act professional but do not forget where you came from.
Say “thank you”, be grateful, and more does come.
Always trust your gut.
Learn as much as you can about everything.
Ask a lot of questions.
Make a lot of mistakes.
Be true to yourself.
Say “sorry”.
Smile and love life, especially when it’s raining.

Wise and Naive

I do what I do
To conclude
Seeking knowledge
Not truths
Surrounding myself in
Theory and opinion
Logic and prediction
Longing to feed my mind
No time for fantasy
Games or lies
Posting on walls
I wish not for him to critique
Just listen
Maybe act
Your knowledge and expertise
I crave
Your experience
I respect and honor
Privilege shared
Knowledge gained
Gold nuggets of wisdom
Not waned
For what I know
Only leads to more questions
As for the rest of the answers
I do not yet know the questions